Saturday, February 26, 2005

Weekend Wrap-up

I’m still trying to get my blood pressure down after Thursday’s Celtics news. Nothing beats the looks from everyone in the office after they hear quiet old me, who never says much of anything, shouting out “What the...!” when Greg IM-ed me the news of Antoine coming back to the Celtics.

Don’t get me started on this “prodigal son”, “humble Antoine” bologna. He’s humble like the “Humble Bumble” at the end of “Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer”. Yeah, right. When the TV show ends with Rudolph pulling Santa’s sleigh into the night, the Abominable Snowman is down at the North Pole devouring Yukon Cornelius, Herbie the Dentist Elf, and anyone else dumb enough to get near him.

As I write this, the poor denizens of Utah as basketballs are flying at them from all angles pelting them on the head. Yes, Antoine Walker, number four in the league in turnovers (nope not a defensive statistic) and through sheer force of will and self-restraint only 15th in the league in three-pointers attempted. I haven’t heard anything further about Gary Payton coming back to the Celtics (is he a masochist? I’m sure he’s in Sacramento begging for a roster spot), so that means we’ll get to see the Marcus Banks/Delonte West show at point guard. The future is now! (Um, except for you, Antoine.)

* * *

For the Celtics, apparently the only way they get in the news is to trade or trade for Antoine. Maybe they can sign him and trade him again, if only just for the local publicity. They should get some good ratings tonight though.

* * *

The Patriots finally released Ty Law. Good, that’s one less distraction on the road to number four in Super Bowl XXXX. Apparently, his trade value was zilch to nil. It will be interesting to see where he lands. Dallas is a possible location with the Tuna holding spots for old Jets, Patriots, and Giants. Oakland seems very likely only in that they are actively looking for a cornerback (if they can dump wash-out cornerback Phillip Buchanan). Besides, Rob “Son of Buddy” Ryan, former Patriots linebackers coach and current defensive coordinator in Oakland is no doubt on the lookout for ex-Pats.

* * *

The Jets are talking with the Redskins to trade underachiever Santana Moss for former Jet underachiever Lavernius Coles. My favorite kind of trade: the ones that help nobody. God knows I know more about Lavernius Coles’ career than anyone in their right mind should, since I drafted him way too early in my fantasy league draft two years ago and then watched him rack up the 3-37-0-4 (receptions, yards, touchdowns, and fantasy points) lines week after agonizing week. At least the trade makes sense for the ‘skins…Joe Gibbs loved short, undersized receivers in the 80s and Moss certainly fits the bill. For the Jets, I don’t know. Coles was a third round pick who didn’t do much for the Jets and then had one huge breakout season which he then turned into a megabucks free agent contract. Do the Jets think that one big season was because he played on the hallowed grounds of the Jets (the only team in professional sports to play in a stadium or arena named for another team: Giants Stadium.)

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Speaking of the Jets, can we make it perfectly clear the Jets-Patriots rivalry is not a real rivalry? Like those insidious Yankees fans spouted for so long (until last October at least!): to have a rivalry one team can’t win every time. Fine. Call me when the Jets have won something in the last thirty-five years.

* * *

Nova, nova, nova! Nothing like Boston College’s “most anticipated free fall in college basketball” getting a kick-off even earlier than expected. Heck I figured they’d be o.k. until the Big East tournament; get wiped out in the first round by some team under .500; still get a two seed at March Madness; and then get bounced by some fifteen seed out of South Dakota.

* * *

How is it that no Yankee player or management staffer (heck or owner!) has stepped up and defended A-Rod? My god, a Yankee can’t say something derogatory about Bronson Arroyo (our fifth or sixth starter) without half the team leaping to his defense. I wonder if the Yankees can trade A-Rod even if they wanted to. Who could afford that salary? The Dodgers, maybe. The Phillies? It’d be a hard sell to find someone to take that locker-room cancer off their squad.

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