A TOOTHPICK PLEASE SO I CAN PICK MY BRAIN

Patriots go 12-4; home field throughout the playoffs; and Corey Dillon is Super Bowl MVP. Remember, you read it here first.

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Where would the Red Sox be without Wily Mo? (Third place). He saved their bacon when Coco was out, and has been an upgrade with Trot hurt yet again. I will not say he is ever going to be a Big Papi/Manny slugger, but he can everything that Trot Nixon was supposed to be.

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I will take Rodney Harrison at 75% over any other defensive back in the AFC not named Ed Reed (Troy Polamalu, FYI, is the Derek Jeter of the NFL: Look at his strength, speed and intangibles as the wide receiver gets behind him for a long completion, Marv!)

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Is anyone still cookoo for Coco? Personally, I believe he is better than he has played this season and is not yet 100%. That said, I still say the Sox made the right move not getting in a bidding war for Johnny Damon.

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Deion Branch. The most insignificant hold-out ever. I can very easily see Bill Belichick, Scott Pioli, and Bob Kraft holding fast and the Patriots going into the season with a bunch of no-name wide receivers and running the two and even three tight end set regularly. I do not know what kind of advice Branch is getting from his agent, but these guys have got to be idiots. Richard Seymour and his agent played the game perfectly last season and got a well-deserved boatload of cash. Deion Branch is going to be unhappy for a long time if he does not straighten-out in a hurry. There is very little support for millionaire players complaining about dollars when gas costs $3 a gallon, jobs are still leaving Massachusetts, and the Governor is too busy campaigning to do anything to jumpstart the economy.

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Yeah, A-Rod, not Big Papi should have been the MVP last season. Yes, I am still pissed about that. Anyone voting for Captain Intangibles of the Pinstripes as MVP this season should have their voting privileges revoked. Jeter winning would be the biggest travesty since Ted Williams won the triple crown and lost the MVP vote to Joe Freaking Gordon (of the Yankees, natch) in 1942. JOE FREAKING GORDON! MVP! OVER TEDDY TRIPLE CROWN BALLGAME! JOE FREAKING GORDON! (Of course, I bet Joe Gordon was great at going from first to third on a single. Intangibles! Yay!)

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Can Jon Lester pitch one more great game before the trading deadline in my fantasy league? PLEASE!

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Anyone else worried that the Celtics star (Paul Pierce), scorer (Wally Szerbiack), and future star (Al Jefferson) are coming off surgery. Uh, yeah, me neither.

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FYI, in 1941 Joe DiMaggio hit .408 during his 56 game hitting streak. Teddy Ballgame hit .406 for the season. More people need to know this fact. Oh yeah, and Ted Williams should have been immortalized by Ernest Hemingway, not Mr. Coffee. In The Old Man & the Sea. Sure, the Cubans were all Yankees fans, but Ted Williams was an Ernest Hemingway kind of guy. Joe DiMaggio was Ralph Kiner on a large market team (the website name is BostonSportPage.com. If you came here for Yankee Loving you are on the wrong site. I am all about the Nation).

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Yes, Don Orsillo is OK, but I still miss Sean McDonough. (I miss Ned Martin even more!) That said, I miss Jon Miller and Ken Coleman EVERY SINGLE TIME I listen to a Sox game on the radio..

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I think the Red Sox should buy out the San Diego Chicken and go with dual Mascots: the Chicken & Wally. The Chicken can be sponsored by Boston Market. (Yes, this is how my mind works: any other reasons why I did not go into Marketing or Advertising?)

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Bronson Arroyo makes his tenth attempt at his tenth win. Apparently, he cut his hair on the ESPN show Cold Pizza this morning in an attempt to change his luck. Originally, he had talked of bringing back the corn rows because win number ten is named Bo Derek so he has to pay tribute by going with the corn rows. (I just re-read that last paragraph and realized it is what it would look like if People Magazine mated with Sports Illustrated and had a hideously deformed child named People Sports. Of course, then the above paragraph would be expanded into a full-length cover feature replete with a Bronson Arroyo hair style timeline.)

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