Wednesday, May 18, 2005

ALL RED SOX ALL THE TIME

It is official: the NBA Playoffs are in their doldrums period (aka the second round), despite the Phoenix-Dallas series (80s flashback basketball-the first four games should be played on an endless loop on ESPN Classic so that we remember why we watched NBA basketball in the first place), training camp for the Patriots is two months away, the Revolution are barely able to make a blip on the local scene, and the only news in New England revolves around the Red Sox, the Yankees nine game winning streak, the Red Sox, Oil Can Boyd, the Red Sox, Chazer dropping from first place in fantasy baseball, and the Red Sox.

Unfortunately, the water cooler talk about the Sox is limited to recapping what Hazel Mae recapped on NESN this morning because no one with a job can stay up until 1AM to catch a west coast game (not including the playoffs, of course). In a way it is kind of exciting to wake up and flip on the tube to catch the score; I feel like a little kid, except of course, when I was a kid I could not watch TV so I had to turn on the radio for baseball scores and since I had no intention to listen to some chucklehead on AM680 ramble on about Mike Dukakis, I would leave the clock radio on the only sports radio station back in the early to mid eighties: AM660 WFAN in New York, home of the New York Mets. Yes, the 1986 World Series was twice as painful because I had sat through Don Imus blabbing about how great the Mets were all season long. What a wonderful vindication for me: Imus, Doc Gooden, and Darryl Strawberry, the banes of my existence in 1986, all lumped together now as past-their-primes, waste-of-talent, former cokeheads. Ahhh, the endorphins are releasing nineteen years of pent-up anger into one blissful mind orgasm.

Of course, nothing tells the story better than listening to WEEI this week. Apparently, there is nothing of value going on in sports, as all conversation has been dominated by Star Wars Episode Three: The Revenge of the Sith. Now, I am as big of a Star Wars/Star Trek/2001: A Space Odyssey/Lord of the Rings/etc geek out there who is obsessed with sports, but the last thing I need to hear is Gerry Callahan, who obviously never heard of Star Wars until the station director gave him the morning notes and topics for the show when he walked in the studio at 5 AM, babbling about losers lining up outside for tickets dressed in costumes. Umm, and that differs from the losers who line up outside for tickets dressed in team uniforms how exactly?

Get the Sox off the West Coast. Fire up the inter-league games, and get the season into full swing.

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MANUFACTURED CONTROVERSY:

Tito and Theo have contracts that are either ending at the end of the season or else are woefully underpaid. Stop the presses. Start the controversy! I told you it was a slow news period right now. I think the coach and GM are ok right now, we do not need to be overly concerned with their movement. What, Tito wants to leave Boston for Kansas City? Is Theo eyeing that high-profile GM position Tampa Bay? What next, will we see a huge, in-depth story on Dale Sveum (last Sunday in the Globe magazine, whoops!)?

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SOXUAL HEALING:

So let me get this straight. The Yankees have won nine in a row, and yet they are still five games out of first and two and a half behind the Sox? So, considering that once Tino returns to earth they will no longer be ripping off these streaks, where does it put them? Oh yeah, a .500 team. Nice to see that is all that $200 million buys nowadays; and Yankees fans wonder why they are so detested.

Of course, the Sox still have not had a chance to rip off a big win streak, and, considering how well they have done playing a majority of games on the road and without their number one and number two starters, they appear to be in the drivers seat right now as June starts creeping up.

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