Thursday, December 15, 2005

MANNY HAPPY RETURNS

So are the Manny rumors officially dead? Somehow I think Mrs. Manny should just bite the bullet and buy the complex in the suburbs and get it over with once and for all. Manny only knows how to do one thing: play baseball. The Mets do not want him, the Dodgers do not want him, the Yankees do not trust the Sox enough to take him (besides, other than Chieng-Ming Wang and maybe Robby Cano, who on that team would you want to take? There are the over-over-overpaid guys (A-Rod, Jeter, Matsui, and Sheffield), the rapidly aging guys (Mussina, Big Eunich, Horsehead Posada, Giambi, and Rivera), and the rest could be Devil Rays for all anyone really cares.), and the Orioles are scared to death of him. Somehow, I do not see a lot of teams willing to pick-up that salary. Call him Kotter, because it is time to welcome back Manny.

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BOSTON WEST COAST:

Hmm, first there was Derek Lowe in Los Angeles, then Grady Little at the helm, then Bill Mueller signs, and now perhaps Nomar and Johnny D are looming on the horizon in Chavez Ravine? What an intriguing team the Dodgers will be if Johnny D & Nomar are packing up their bags and gonna head out west / where real women come equipped with scripts and fake breasts?

Who knows, maybe they could swing a trade with Cleveland for Lou Merloni? What a phone conversation that would be:

Ned Colltetti, Dodgers GM: Hi Mark, I wanna talk about a trade for Lou Merloni,
Mark Shapiro, Indians GM: Ned, what the hell are you talking about. I have no guy named Spumoni.
Ned: Sure you do, Lou Merloni. He played for the Sox. You signed him to a minor league deal.
Mark: Really? Must have been partying a little too hard with Wildman Scott Pioli. What position does this Trigoni play?
Ned: Mer-Lo-Knee.
Mark: Like the Agent on Law & Order SVU? Agent Merloni?
Ned: Yah, you watch the Law & Order, too? I love Ice-T. He kicks ass in this show.
Mark: No doubt, the whole cast is tight.
Ned: Anyway, so why did you call me Mark? You ready to trade me Grady Sizemore for J.D. Drew?
Mark: Umm, Ned, you called me.
Ned: Really? Are you sure?
Mark: Yup, you were asking about Macaroni or something.
Ned: Oh yeah, Merloni. Nomar’s boyfriend, he refuses to sign his contract until Merloni gets here. By the way, tell no one but I heard Mia hates Merloni because all he does at their cookouts is chat up Brandi Chastain and talk about hw he dated Lisa Guerrero.
Mark: He did? One of the New England Patriot cheerleaders went out with Lou Merloni?
Ned: Yup, and now Playboy has her topless next month.
Mark: Damn. I bet she never slept with him.
Ned: So why did you call me again?
Mark: YOU CALLED ME!
Ned: Oh yeah, so whatta ya want for Spumoni?
Mark: How about one of those new lawn tractors you have guys have for the infield crew. Those are kinda nice.
Ned: Hell no, those things cost almost $10,000 apiece.
Mark: $10,000? Mine cost $15k and they are barely a comparison.
Ned: Tell ya what, I can give you the name of the dealer who sold them to me for $10k if you accept the deal for Spumoni.
Mark: Deal. Should we call it for future considerations or a player to be named later.
Ned: Why stretch the truth? Call it future considerations.
Mark: Sweet.


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MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE PACERS:

God, what an ugly game played by the Celtics and Pacers. This was a case of who had the worst offense. Of course, the game was over in the second period when the Pacers had to fight to reach double digits for the quarter. Doug Moe, a lonely legion of NBA fans turn to you and Paul Westphal in these dark days!

The Celtics, remaining maddeningly inconsistent, again had LaFrentz cold, Blount hot, Davis on par, Pierce excelling, Big Al Jefferson showing some hope, and Orien Greene playing the wild card. Consistency is not a word used with this team. But dammit, this team needs to ride out the wave this year and maybe next year. Sneak into the playoffs, leave early, and develop those kids. The Celtics are potentially three years and one major pick-up or blossoming from being a team to contend with for the Championship. Why fans are not getting behind this team like they were the 1994 New England Patriots behooves me. They are young and coming on strong. Hop on board now and say I told you so later!

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